There Are Some Things You Should Never Forget

When I think about the things that have shaped me, the list gets pretty long. From big events like my brother’s battle with cancer and my middle school friend’s death to seemingly insignificant conversations with friends or kids in the ministries I’ve worked in.

Everyone has moments like these. Ones that change how you think or who you are or even the trajectory of your life.

When Joshua led the Israelite people across the Jordan river, they set up twelve stones as a memorial to what God had done for them.

It is important to remember how far you have come. When I’m discouraged, or doubting my career choice I can look back through my journal or my memory box. In my memory box I keep special cards, a few dried flower petals, a hospital bracelet, some old coloring sheets and other trinkets. Each object has a specific memory tied to it. I can look at it and see who I was before and how much I’ve grown and changed.

It reminds me that I’ve gotten through rough times before and God will bring me through them again.

Don’t forget the things that God has done for you. Write them down or find an object that reminds of you of them. When things get rough or you start doubting, remember that you are not alone.

Keep the Conversation going:

What are your memorial stones?

 

3 Ways Modesty Culture Got it Wrong

“Modest is hottest”–if you grew up in the evangelical church, you’ve probably heard this trope before. And while I’m not here to promote promiscuity I think there are some important things we get wrong when we over-emphasize modesty.

1. True modesty is all about what women wear

This definition of modesty misses the holistic meaning behind being modest. More than how you dress, it should be about your heart. Are your thoughts and actions a reflection of who you want to be, of the person God calls you to be? Is the way you look at others a reflection of who you want to be? Modesty shouldn’t be about judging others based on how they dress, it should be about being yourself in a way that reflects God.

Basing modesty on hiding the human body also reinforces the very thing that modesty is trying to avoid: objectifying a person’s body. By pulling out our tape measures we can have concrete, enforceable guidelines for clothing. But it also perpetuates the idea that her identity and value is found in her appearance.

2. Girls are responsible for boys’ sexual thoughts and behavior

The way people dress and present themselves certainly does have an impact on the way others perceive us, however that does not mean being responsible for inappropriate thoughts, comments, or behavior. The extreme though classic response to rape or unwanted advances is, “oh she was asking for it,” or “if you dress like a tramp, you’ll be treated like a tramp.” A woman who dresses provocatively may catch a man’s attention, but only he is responsible for his thoughts and actions.

We should teach our children that modesty is about how they present themselves and how they wish to perceived, but we should also be careful that we aren’t forcing them to be responsible for other people’s thoughts and behavior.

3. Modesty doesn’t apply to males

There is nothing gender specific about modesty. Google defines it as “the quality of being unassuming or moderate…manner intended to avoid impropriety or indecency.”

Just as a woman can call undue attention to herself, so can men. It is important to think about how we can all apply the principle of modesty to our lives. This means working to live a wholesome, God-honoring life rather than placing our value or other people’s value on their appearances.

3 Benefits of Having a Mentor in College

Thinking back over the years, there are several people who have had a positive impact on my life. When I was in elementary school, it was my “Grandma” who wasn’t really my grandma. In middle school it was a teacher and in high school it was a youth group leader. Now that I’m in college, it’s my professors. Here are three beneficial things that a mentor will do for you.

1.  Encourage You To Pursue Your Goals and Dreams

A mentor is someone who will encourage you to follow your dreams and goals. They will push you to your best and reach your full potential. Your mentor will often be someone who has been where you are, they can bring you their experience and advice for the best way to achieve your dreams. They can also encourage you on a professional level, helping you take the necessary steps towards your career.

2. Hold You Accountable

When you don’t have anyone to hold you accountable you will always run the risk of falling into complacency. They will be there to push you forward and help you continue growing. My mentor holds me accountable in my relationships–with my parents, my friends, and my boyfriend. I want to come to a place where I have close friends at school who I trust, but building a friendship like that takes work, and it’s easy to just hole up with a bunch of homework and avoid everyone. My mentors encourage me to reach out to people and chase my goals.

3. Support

When times get tough, and they will, your mentor can help you push through. They will check up on you and encourage you to keep going. They have probably experienced their share of hard times will be there for you as you weather the storm.

The Christian Ghetto

Sometimes Christians live in a box. One of my professors calls it the Christian Ghetto–an isolated, segregated group where we are no longer a “city on a hill” but a city unto ourselves.

Christians sometimes have a mentality that the world is out to get us. It’s not safe out there, but it’s safe in here with our shared rules and beliefs.

I’m talking about the idea that the secular world is contaminating and we should have little or no association with it.

You can’t listen this music, or watch that movie, or read that book. If it’s not written by a Christian or doesn’t have a safe message, you shouldn’t have anything to do with it. And from the English humanities major side of things–if you don’t write something that fits a neat “Christian values” box you’re inviting flack for not being enough of a light to the unbelieving world.

The problem with all of is this is that it creates an exclusionary, judgmental environment. Instead of meeting the world in its brokenness with God’s love, we ask the world to squeeze into our mold of what it should look like. Then they can join our safe little ghetto and we don’t have to worry about getting hurt or stretched beyond the comfortable.

We like to stay in our comfort zone. If God wants them to know Him, He will bring them to us, right?

He can. But he also calls us to go to them.

Our God cares deeply about the world. If you listen to what the world is saying through media, you will hear the cries of a broken people, longing to know if someone sees their pain, if it matters.

It’s our job to tell them yes, I see you, God sees you. Life is hard, but my Abba has a good heart and if you are willing, he can bring peace to your suffering and healing to your brokenness.

 

 

 

3 Practical Self-Care Tips For College Students

College is a busy season of life, and it’s easy to forget about the importance of self-care.

This is an area I personally struggle with a lot. I am an Achiever, I tend find my value in how well I accomplish a task.

As the semester goes on, I get more and more tense, my stress levels build until I can’t sleep, can’t think, and my hands are shaking from drinking too much coffee. Then grades start to slip and I get even more stressed.

Don’t do that.

It’s not healthy.

Here are a few practical things you can do to de-stress and take care of yourself:

#1  Be Intentional With Your Time

I cannot stress this enough! I find that I have to schedule time to unwind. I plan out all my homework assignments and try to leave at least 30 minutes open to process the day or do something I enjoy. Sometimes this also means just standing up and taking a 5 minute break when a project get frustrating or you find your focus slipping.

If you do not have a planner to organize your assignments, due dates, appointments, and activities, you should consider getting one. Being able to see your week on paper is really great for staying on top of things and not stressing over due dates. It also helps to set time increments and visualize how you want your day to go.

#2 Process The Day

This looks different for everyone, but is really important, especially when things get stressful and busy. For me, I process by writing, so I journal.

You might process by talking and need to set up a coffee date with a trusted friend, or go for a walk or a run to move and let your brain unwind.

Another option is taking advantage of school counselors. They are equipped to help with all kinds of situations, from stress to depression to addiction to relationship problems. There is no shame in getting help from others.

#3 Find Something You Enjoy and Do It

It’s good to have hobby outside of schoolwork.

I love reading fiction, I know some people who really like adult coloring books. My boyfriend games on his computer and who doesn’t binge watch a show or two now and then?

On the social side of things, there’s card games, board games, exploring the city, or visiting a local museum or art exhibition with friends.

—

Keep the Conversation Going:

How do you de-stress?

What other tips would you add to the list?

 

 

 

We Cannot Look Away: The Syrian Crisis Isn’t Over Yet

 

It’s easy to forget or overlook ongoing events like Syrian Refugee Crisis, after a while it loses its surprise factor and people are less interested in hearing about it. After all, there are a hundred other things to think about in our every day lives. When it doesn’t affect you, it’s easy to dismiss

As Christians we know that God calls us to care for those in need, but sometimes it’s hard to know what to do, especially when you are a broke college student.

According to a recent article on The Guardian, world leaders are faced with a new problem, what to do with all the children growing up in refugee camps who don’t have access to good education and certainly don’t have the means to get higher education if they wanted to.

One source said that the Syrian children are in danger of becoming a “lost generation”

“What we are witnessing now is a collective failure to deliver the necessary support to the region…we are witnessing a total collapse of international solidarity with millions of war victims.”  – Jan Egeland

The crisis is still there and we need to pay attention to it.

What Can I Do?

As college students, we can’t exactly host a refugee family. So here are 4 practical ways you can get involved.

1. Understand

It is important to stay informed and understand the underlying issues that surround this problem. Violence and collapsing economies in Syria, Afghan, and other countries has led to the surge of people fleeing them.  The more you know, the better you can help, through specific prayer and advocacy. World Vision is a good place to find more information.

2. Pray

We can pray for needs of the refugees:

• Continued international aide
• Protection
• Education
• Health
• Legal papers and documents required by many countries for refugees seeking sanctuary
• Poverty, food and shelter

3. Advocate

Tell people about what’s going on, spread the word about what is needed. Ask your college if they will host a Syrian student.

4. Donate

The Institute for International Education has set up a fund where you can donate to provide scholarships to Syrian students.

You can also donate at World Vision, with options for one time, monthly, or yearly.

What do College Kids Want From Church?

I’ve been doing a lot of church hopping since the school year started and I think I’m finally settling into a church community I can get involved in. But it sure took a while to get there.

I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve heard other young adults say, “I want to go to church, but I just haven’t found the ‘right place.'” Because of this and because many churches give off a judgmental vibe towards young people, a lot of students opt out of going to church altogether. After all students at private schools like mine do have daily chapel and that kind of counts, right?

When I was talking with one of my mentors this weekend, she noticed how older generations in our church tend think that teens and young adults just want the newest, fastest, flashy experience possible and that’s why we don’t like church. But that’s not quite true.

I think one of the reasons millennials have a hard time finding a church home is this:

We do not feel engaged.

We have been raised in an era where information is instantly accessible. We are constantly bombarded with media trying to get our attention. On top of that we have class, chapel, work, and social life vying for our time.

And if I’m honest, it’s hard to find a church where services and small groups don’t feel like just another Bible class.

College students want a community that will invest in them and that they can invest back into, not just someone who fill our heads with more do’s and don’ts and send us on our merry way to live a happy life

On the other hand, I think we can also be so afraid of not finding “the right place” that we never stick with any one church long enough to build relationships.

There will never be a perfect church. Your church home is what you make of it. It’s important to realize that we are all part of the body of Christ. All serving Christ and reaching out to the community.

The church should seek to engage the young people through meaningful relationships, providing mentorship and space for students to talk about what’s important to them. I think that Millennials and the church have a lot to learn from each other.

We should come to churches with a mindset of growth. How can we learn and grow personally and how can we invest in the church community to help it grow?

The close community and engagement we crave to find at church will never happen if we aren’t there to make it happen and vice versa churches will never really draw young people in if they aren’t willing to engage and listen. Before long it will be our generations’ responsibility to build the church up and carry the message of Christ’s love for the broken. Involvement on some level, even if it’s just building friendships with other members of the church, younger and older, is a necessary step towards this.

 

 

 

Is Your Community Missing This One Crucial Thing?

My hands shake, fingers trembling as I look down at the table and grip the coffee cup tighter. It hurts, my heart aches in my chest, longing to speak the words that get stuck in my throat. Uhg. I hate vulnerability.

What is that one thing you don’t want anyone else to know? The one you spend all your energy trying to hide?

If I’m honest:

• Sometimes I struggle with loneliness and anxiety.
• Sometimes I’m afraid that I will never measure up as a “good Christian.”
• Sometimes I feel like being afraid means that God can’t use me, that I am alone in feeling this way.

There are others who understand my fears, I know that I’m not alone in them though it’s easy to feel like I am. In fact, I’m guessing you can relate to at least one of the things that I listed above. In order for a community to flourish, for the body of Christ to function as it is meant to, we need to be vulnerable. We live behind edited versions of ourselves, trying to deal with pain on our own.

 “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” – C.S. Lewis, the Four Loves

But we were not made to be alone. God created each person with different strengths and weaknesses. When we come together as a community – working together and dependent on each other, we are the body of Christ. A reflection of God and his love for people.

Communities need to be built on trust and foster a sense of safety. As Christians, we should strive to create a place where people can be broken and find healing and refuge. We can’t provide that place if we cut off the broken parts of ourselves. Not everyone should have access to those places in our lives, but it is important that you don’t carry your burdens alone. To be live wholeheartedly as yourself, you must acknowledge the things that have happened to you.

 

I’m Not Prepared For God’s Plan

I think one of the biggest struggles we have as Christians is knowing what God wants us to do. We wait and work and search, hoping that God will give us some telltale sign about where he wants us to be engaged.

But it’s not as simple as that.

There are many worthy causes to volunteer for, internships to pursue, lots of people to make friends with, and I still haven’t found a home church I want to be engaged in.

These are all good things, and I’ve done all of them, but I don’t have time for everything. I know that God can use me in each of these areas, but how do I know what the right thing is?

What will best prepare me to hear God’s voice, to enact his plan?

One of the Christian cliches that I hear in response to this is the “active wait.” While this phrase does have its merits I think it misses something important. It puts the emphasis on what we can do for God in the future, as if God will just plop the perfect opportunity into our laps and tell us that is the one thing we should be doing.

But it doesn’t work like that. There are many opportunities that God can use us in and it’s not always easy to distinguish which ones we should be doing.

I think that our God isn’t one who demands a set path for each person. I think that God provides with many avenues in life that we can flourish in, allowing us the choice of what we want to do.

It’s important to use discernment, to have a growing relationship with God and a deepening understanding of yourself. Know that sometimes there is no right answer and maybe we don’t have to be so worried about preparing for what God has planned for us. Instead we can live each day, portion out our time to things that interest us. A friend of mine recently said that if there’s something God doesn’t want you to do, he’ll close the door and you’ll know to step away.

At the University I attend, there are a couple of prayer rooms, one in the dorms, one in the Community Life Center and, of course, the chapel used for weddings. These are made available as quiet spaces for students reflect, meditate, and pray. It is a very peaceful place and a great way to unplug from life and get a little Jesus time.

There are probably places like this in your life too, if not a prayer room or a chapel, maybe a favorite park, or a coffee shop. Find somewhere you can step back and recharge.

Continue the conversation:

• Where do you spend time with God?
• Where is He leading you now?

 

3 Things Christian College Students Need to Stop Saying

Every student at a private school has heard these phrases at some point. While we often joke about these, it’s important to realize that they aren’t just funny, they have real implications with negative impacts.

1. “Ring by spring”

This cliché has gotten way out of control.

It places undue pressure on people to have their entire future planned out. By always worrying about whether someone is “good marriage material” you will find yourself constantly criticizing them, which isn’t healthy in any relationship or friendship.

So lighten up, have fun! Don’t be so worried about whether or not you will find the right man or woman before you graduate. If it’s meant to happen, it will, there’s no need to push it.

2. “I’ll pray for you”

When we are struggling through hard times we tend to tell each other that we will pray and that “God has a purpose.” While this is true, it’s probably not helpful in the moment.

Instead you should walk with them through the issue, listening, or even just sitting with them in the place of hurt. Sometimes there are no words that can help or fix the problem and in those times it is important to simply be there, be available.

3. “When I went on a missions trip to…”

Students who have done short term missions work are a dime a dozen on Christian campuses. When other students hear that I did mission work in France – twice – the look in their eyes makes me feel uncomfortable.  It can become a way to measure how “good” of a Christian you are. If you have spent time overseas helping those who are less fortunate and spreading the word of God, you must know more about God than I do.

This way of measuring each other’s success is not Christ-like. We should seek to help each other grow and spread God’s love to the people around us, whether we are in Haiti, Mexico, Europe or America.

Ahem. And besides all that, are the relationships we build in the community and then tear down after two weeks when we have to go home truly effective?

Keep the conversation going:

What are some clichés students on your campus say?